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Frustrations of Non-Celiac
Okay, I just need to vent and in this case be realistic.
My husband, a senior citizen and diabetic, was diagnosed last year. Went on the diet and is much, much better.
I cook GF free for him and most of the time for the rest of the family. A few differences that require a battle plan in the kitchen.
Although I know it is the only way he can be healthy there are times that I find myself feeling resentful.
IF we eat out, gone are the family favorite restaurants. Mexican, Oriental , Italian, etc. To be replaced with a very narrow selection. Even at those the GF menu items will be the most expensive ones Sure steak and baked potato is a good one IF you can afford it. We are on a limited income and cannot afford to eat $25.00 or more each.
Going out for the day requires planing it around where a "safe " restaurant will be located.
No driving along and saying " Oh, let's try that one ". Or staying at home, then going out around the meals, leaving not much time to be out and about.
And yes, I can cook ahead, take something with us... again that takes planing ... not just waking up on Sat. and starting out for a day of fun.
This disease is not just one of taking a pill, it involves everyone changing. Most days I can remind myself of the benefits to him and then I will feel ashamed at my complaints.
But Gee,, I MISS those food venues and the freedom away from the kitchen where we could just wing it in eating. I would love to eat out again on Tacos, etc. Not have to wonder if the sauce on BAR B QUE is okay, how the fries are cooked, ...... Wheat in the scrambled eggs....
We have found tops ...7 safe places to eat in my town... but it gets old fast and a couple are expensive.
I am not a Saint and if I were my wings are getting droopy.
Unfortunately it is up to me to be the watch dog as my husband would slip off the GF wagon. So pile on the guilt if I don't make all the correct decisions.
Soldiering on is the only option but I cannot help but believe that here are others out there like me that are struggling with all of the above. I also get the feeling that for non GF to complain is verboten.
My husband, a senior citizen and diabetic, was diagnosed last year. Went on the diet and is much, much better.
I cook GF free for him and most of the time for the rest of the family. A few differences that require a battle plan in the kitchen.
Although I know it is the only way he can be healthy there are times that I find myself feeling resentful.
IF we eat out, gone are the family favorite restaurants. Mexican, Oriental , Italian, etc. To be replaced with a very narrow selection. Even at those the GF menu items will be the most expensive ones Sure steak and baked potato is a good one IF you can afford it. We are on a limited income and cannot afford to eat $25.00 or more each.
Going out for the day requires planing it around where a "safe " restaurant will be located.
No driving along and saying " Oh, let's try that one ". Or staying at home, then going out around the meals, leaving not much time to be out and about.
And yes, I can cook ahead, take something with us... again that takes planing ... not just waking up on Sat. and starting out for a day of fun.
This disease is not just one of taking a pill, it involves everyone changing. Most days I can remind myself of the benefits to him and then I will feel ashamed at my complaints.
But Gee,, I MISS those food venues and the freedom away from the kitchen where we could just wing it in eating. I would love to eat out again on Tacos, etc. Not have to wonder if the sauce on BAR B QUE is okay, how the fries are cooked, ...... Wheat in the scrambled eggs....
We have found tops ...7 safe places to eat in my town... but it gets old fast and a couple are expensive.
I am not a Saint and if I were my wings are getting droopy.
Unfortunately it is up to me to be the watch dog as my husband would slip off the GF wagon. So pile on the guilt if I don't make all the correct decisions.
Soldiering on is the only option but I cannot help but believe that here are others out there like me that are struggling with all of the above. I also get the feeling that for non GF to complain is verboten.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jenifer Bremehr on -
Wow, thats a pretty good venting! I have to be gluten free and personally couldnt have said it better! I dont eat out because of all the things you listed, I cant even have tacos....corn issue along with the gluten. I personally have found one safe place to eat and thats at home. YES it gets old! and YES I get tired of my own cooking! But.....(there always seems to be a but....but here goes) its the only safe place and being in a fetal position and cramping for 5 days is NOT worth it. Not to mention the long term effects. I feel your pain, but dont know how to help you, but I must say.....you did a dang good job of venting!
Being gluten free is not easy for anyone. My husband is not always gf, but he feels guilty if he eats gluten stuff at home. His guilty feeling bothers me more than me not having taco's (and that bothers me pretty bad some days). Hang in there and vent whenever you need too! We all do it occasionally!
Jen
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Permalink Reply by Toby Hatch on -
Hi Sue,
I feel your pain.
My husband has an UBER restricted diet, including being gluten and all other grains free, dairy free, corn free, yeast free, red meat free...the list goes on. To make it easier for him, I underwent a drastic change in cooking for the family, including my 7 year old girl who has trouble understanding why it is so important. He too would gladly fall off the wagon, if given the chance. He has done so on a couple of occasions, and paid DEARLY for it.
My daughter has now been diagnosed with several food allergies (wheat, dairy and citrus being some of them), and she is not liking it at all. She is not as bad as her father, but she resents having to eat differently from her friends, even though she has many gluten free favourites.
So here I am, with relatively no dietary restrictions (and LOVING to cook and bake) trying to be patient, always planning ahead, packing food and snacks, explaining to relatives why they have to eat like this, etc. How do I relieve stress - GO OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS WITHOUT FOOD RESTRICTIONS.
Take a night off for yourself. It does not have to be expensive, just something you really want and they cannot have. My big favourite is spicy food. I love Thai, and it would basically kill my husband and my daughter hates it.
Then, go back to being the good wife, knowing there will be another "me" night soon.
That is my way of coping - for whatever it is worth.
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Permalink Reply by Hugo's Natures Way; Meg on
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Thats an amazing tip! Thanks.....
Toby Hatch said:Hi Sue,
I feel your pain.
My husband has an UBER restricted diet, including being gluten and all other grains free, dairy free, corn free, yeast free, red meat free...the list goes on. To make it easier for him, I underwent a drastic change in cooking for the family, including my 7 year old girl who has trouble understanding why it is so important. He too would gladly fall off the wagon, if given the chance. He has done so on a couple of occasions, and paid DEARLY for it.
My daughter has now been diagnosed with several food allergies (wheat, dairy and citrus being some of them), and she is not liking it at all. She is not as bad as her father, but she resents having to eat differently from her friends, even though she has many gluten free favourites.
So here I am, with relatively no dietary restrictions (and LOVING to cook and bake) trying to be patient, always planning ahead, packing food and snacks, explaining to relatives why they have to eat like this, etc. How do I relieve stress - GO OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS WITHOUT FOOD RESTRICTIONS.
Take a night off for yourself. It does not have to be expensive, just something you really want and they cannot have. My big favourite is spicy food. I love Thai, and it would basically kill my husband and my daughter hates it.
Then, go back to being the good wife, knowing there will be another "me" night soon.
That is my way of coping - for whatever it is worth.
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Permalink Reply by Rustie MacDonald on -
Well done! The need to vent is huge and the need to take care of yourself is very important. How can we really take care of others if we neglect ourselves?
I totally agree with taking the oppertunity to treat yourself. You deserve it and work very hard at trying to find the balance your family so needs to be healthy.
Do not feel shame at all as we all perfectly understand. Shame will feed your frustrations. Try to understand that you are blessed by knowing you are helping your family become healthy,live longer and you will find balance.
Go out and take yourself to a Taco place. Enjoy it. You have earned it:)
Living & Thriving,
Rustie
www.celiacroads.com
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Permalink Reply by Amy Michelle Clouse on -
I absolutely think you deserve the right to complain. I think it's easier in my situation as I'm the Celiac and I'm the one who cooks. I 've worked really hard to recreate all of my famlies favorites, and some of them they prefer GF. Eating out is the biggest challenge, but it's a time when they can have whatever they want. Yesterday, I made a run to the store and surprised them all with donuts. It was like Christmas. It makes feel good that they love me so much that they consider how hard it is for me to watch them eat the things that I used to enjoy! We didn't eat out a lot before, and hardly ever fast food, but you're right in that the GF choices are usually pricey! It's also more expensive to recreate those old favorites gluten free. If you can find the quinoa/corn pasta, it's $2-3 a box, but tastes like the real thing. Even better in your situation, it has 4g of protein and 4g of fiber per serving. Corn starch and corn flour are also much cheaper than many of the other GF thickening agents, so I rely on those for light breading and gravies. I also use cornmeal with the other two if a little crunch is needed. The other benefit is that you can actually find them without scouring the internet!
My grandfather was a VERY picky eater. Even though he is very likely where the predisposition came from, I can't imagine how my grandmother would have coped with modifying his diet! You can complain to me anytime!! I know that it is a huge undertaking for my mom to fix a family dinner now, and I hate that. I do feel somewhat isolated when so much of adult interaction revolves around food. I find myself isolated from others because I don't want to seem rude for not eating. I would love to help you find a way to ease your load! I'm a teacher by trade, so I guess I just can't help myself!
Best Wishes!
Amychelle
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Permalink Reply by Sue Neilon on -
Thanks everyone for you replies.
I have mulled over some more of my irritations. Really they can be boiled down to being mad at the entire food industry that has managed to put so much grain in products.
Why is there wheat,etc in so many items that could do without it ? Rice Crispies ? Because it is subsidized and therefore we have so much of it ? Just a thought.
It seems more and more the grocery store is becoming boxes. Smaller and smaller areas for plain veggies, etc. Cooking from scratch was not such a job in the past as ingredients were separated. Now things are in a box or can with a zillion ingredients listed. Way too many chemicals, additives of every kind. And we pay way too much just to buy it GF. Utterly ridiculous .
Do you ever wonder if moderation in natural foods would be much better than all the chemicals in the so called lean, healthy items ? I think the additives will kill us in the end !!
Family and friends are amazed when I have to tell them that "Yes, there is wheat in that candy or cereal or...etc. " Until we became GF, we also had no idea how convoluted our food supply has become.
It doesn't help that hubby is also diabetic. So many GF sites have lovely dessert items.. I have to watch how much corn he ingests via pasta, etc. I do think the Corn pasta is much better, I just have to limit how often we eat it. Rice is our best friend.
Few restaurants cook anything resembling plain items. Much of what they assemble comes out of big boxes/bags. Just one plate can have a dozen different add ons ... cheese, bacon, cream sauce, butter sauce, etc.
It is difficult to accept invitations to eat out. Recently my sister had a big birthday party at a local restaurant.
Embarrassing to check the menu online and realize that he could only pick from the most expensive items on the menu. Steaks. Everything else had something added to it that could/most likely would contain wheat,etc.
Sauces , seasonings.. you name it.
Our family Dr. is now routinely checking all her child patients for Celiac. How wonderful is that ? Not that it is at the root of all illness but I do believe thousands of people could stop their pills, Dr. visits and $$$ out of pocket if they were diagnosed.
I do have to be careful how much I go on and on about my irritation with Wheat, Barley, Rye.. being in almost everything as I can see people's eyes roll. LOL
It almost seems like an addiction by the Food Industry ! Corn Starch is out there...many of the best gourmet cooks use it for thickening.
And since I am complaining to the Choir, you all know that we have to look for Wheat in so many different names. And don't you just love the term Modified Food Starch ? Or names so long you cannot pronounce them but you know they really are that five letter word WHEAT ! Too bad it has five letters for in our case it is really a four letter word.
Okay, cannot change the entire food industry. Like to try. I think I actually do a good job of creating tasty meals but I do miss those times when I was dog tired ...could just pop a pizza in the oven without creating it.
Yeah, Papa Murphys .
My family in England in a town of 9k has a Bakery that makes GF bread every day. Fresh Bread ! How cool is that ? The whole country seems to be ahead of the curve on GF.
Thanks for letting me ramble on and on.
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Permalink Reply by Jenifer Bremehr on
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Sue, if you like rice and pasta, try the Tinkyada brand. Its FABULOUS!
Sue Neilon said:Thanks everyone for you replies.
I have mulled over some more of my irritations. Really they can be boiled down to being mad at the entire food industry that has managed to put so much grain in products.
Why is there wheat,etc in so many items that could do without it ? Rice Crispies ? Because it is subsidized and therefore we have so much of it ? Just a thought.
It seems more and more the grocery store is becoming boxes. Smaller and smaller areas for plain veggies, etc. Cooking from scratch was not such a job in the past as ingredients were separated. Now things are in a box or can with a zillion ingredients listed. Way too many chemicals, additives of every kind. And we pay way too much just to buy it GF. Utterly ridiculous .
Do you ever wonder if moderation in natural foods would be much better than all the chemicals in the so called lean, healthy items ? I think the additives will kill us in the end !!
Family and friends are amazed when I have to tell them that "Yes, there is wheat in that candy or cereal or...etc. " Until we became GF, we also had no idea how convoluted our food supply has become.
It doesn't help that hubby is also diabetic. So many GF sites have lovely dessert items.. I have to watch how much corn he ingests via pasta, etc. I do think the Corn pasta is much better, I just have to limit how often we eat it. Rice is our best friend.
Few restaurants cook anything resembling plain items. Much of what they assemble comes out of big boxes/bags. Just one plate can have a dozen different add ons ... cheese, bacon, cream sauce, butter sauce, etc.
It is difficult to accept invitations to eat out. Recently my sister had a big birthday party at a local restaurant.
Embarrassing to check the menu online and realize that he could only pick from the most expensive items on the menu. Steaks. Everything else had something added to it that could/most likely would contain wheat,etc.
Sauces , seasonings.. you name it.
Our family Dr. is now routinely checking all her child patients for Celiac. How wonderful is that ? Not that it is at the root of all illness but I do believe thousands of people could stop their pills, Dr. visits and $$$ out of pocket if they were diagnosed.
I do have to be careful how much I go on and on about my irritation with Wheat, Barley, Rye.. being in almost everything as I can see people's eyes roll. LOL
It almost seems like an addiction by the Food Industry ! Corn Starch is out there...many of the best gourmet cooks use it for thickening.
And since I am complaining to the Choir, you all know that we have to look for Wheat in so many different names. And don't you just love the term Modified Food Starch ? Or names so long you cannot pronounce them but you know they really are that five letter word WHEAT ! Too bad it has five letters for in our case it is really a four letter word.
Okay, cannot change the entire food industry. Like to try. I think I actually do a good job of creating tasty meals but I do miss those times when I was dog tired ...could just pop a pizza in the oven without creating it.
Yeah, Papa Murphys .
My family in England in a town of 9k has a Bakery that makes GF bread every day. Fresh Bread ! How cool is that ? The whole country seems to be ahead of the curve on GF.
Thanks for letting me ramble on and on.
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Permalink Reply by Toby Hatch on
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If you are interested in more "good" recipes which are gluten, corn, yeast, dairy, peanut and many other things... free, my blog site is dedicated to sharing these recipes. They are not strictly for diabetics, but there are some desserts and many main dishes and appetizers which do not contain sugar (or could do without). I too have gluten-eating friends who love my cooking - even though it is allergy-free.
http://theairdiet.blogspot.com/
Enjoy.
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Permalink Reply by Julie marsteller on -
I too get frustrated with the "eating out" issue. I work full time, so does my hubby, and with 3 kids, he likes to take me out for a meal to give me a break. I cook dinner 4-5 nights a week and after converting my pantry, I still cook that often.
But when we do go out, it's the same 4-6 restaurants that I can go to. My hubby doesn't complain at all, he's wonderful. I told him he needs to get a "restaurant mistress", someone to go out to eat with him to all the great restaurants we used to eat at.
The suggestion about giving yourself some "me time" is a good one.
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Permalink Reply by Karen on
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Sue, I can certainly understand where you are coming from. I do want to mention the wheat in food, though. You mentioned that wheat is hidden in so many ingredients... actually it is not. In the US, Wheat MUST, by law be clearly labeled on the ingredient list and/or in a separate allergy warning. Barley etc can be hidden but wheat cannot (even in modified food starch). The law, though does not cover the possibility of cross contamination, however. I hope that helps in your food searches.
As far a fresh foods available...I feel bad for you that your fresh, whole foods are dwindling at your grocery store. I certainly do not live in any kind of progressive area or big city, but my hubby and I were talking the other day about the produce section of the grocery stores in general and how the choices have expanded wonderfully in the past decade or so. When we got married 25 years ago, you would not have found lettuce other than iceberg & maybe romaine at the store. Carrots, Celery, tomatoes the basics. Now we have SO many wonderful choices in fruits & veggies it is wonderful. Same goes for seafood, fresh water fish, dairy (feta cheese is my fave) etc.
Don't be afraid to talk to the cooks/manager at those favorite local places. Maybe go in when they are not busy and see what they CAN fix GF. I wonder why tacos would not be GF? Ask the Ital place if you bring your own GF pasta if they will fix it for your hubby with their sauce. Asian food is a challenge but you could bring your own GF soy sauce for them to cook the meal with. OF COURSE you would need to make it clear they need to guard against cc. We have found that with fewer people eating out these days, restaurants are becoming more accommodating because they need the biz. There are cards that you can print off from websites that you can give to the restaurant staff that explain your needs.
I know that it is a HUGE BUMMER and it stinks sometimes. I think we all feel that way but we also realize how much worse it could be. Glad you came here to vent - now go grab a friend & take that adviece above! HUGS!
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Permalink Reply by Sue Neilon on
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Great ideas but I cannot imagine any restaurant in my metropolitan area doing anything remotely like cooking something we brought in... The Board of Health and the lawyers would have a field day if something went wrong or we just thought it went wrong.
Taco meat has filler in it and it can contain wheat. I have been informed that Taco Bell is one of the places that puts this type of product in their meat. By wheat being hidden, I meant the various names that wheat is listed under. And I am not sure what the situation is on the canned foods brought in from other countries ? It is hard to get a hamburger that does not have filler in it.
Fresh veggies are available but at a cost that breaks the budget. Fruit in the same category. $1.00 per apple or orange. Outrageous in my mind. Cucumber in the middle of the summer .80 each or more.
Unfortunately my husband recently lost his job and so eating out is a thing of the past. Will soldier on making the best of home cooked meals.
Thanks for all the imput and ideas.
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Permalink Reply by Karen on
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My hubby and I are both unemployed to so I can totally relate. $1 for an apple? May I ask where you live? I know here in the midwest our cost of living is far lower that the coasts but WOW! I feel for you.
You are right about Taco Bell. I was thinking more of a mexican restaurant. I guess we are lucky, There is a mex rest near us that has Taco Tuesday buy one get one free. They are just ground beef w/ seasoning in a corn shell made from corn, water, lime and salt. We can eat there on Tues for $5.00 total we each get 2 tacos with water to drink and chips & salsa. Yummy!
Have you heard of Angel Food Ministries? We use them every month. It is a great money saving grocery purchasing option and they even have an allergen free box! They have church participants nation wide and it is open to everyone, regardless of income. It is simply a way to make groceries more affordable. Check it out at www.angelfoodministries.com.
I guess we are lucky too because we have many farmers markets where we can get very cheap produce in season. Hearing about your prices makes me appreciate the 5/$1.oo Cucumbers I bought today! Wish I could send you some! :-)
Hang in there and just get creative! LOL
I am almost certain that wheat, no matter what it's "name" is, must by law be listed as such the word WHEAT must be used. Eg. Durham cannot be listed like that, it must be listed as "wheat:" somewhere on the ingredients.
As far as things from other countries. ANY food for sale in the US, no matter it's country of origin must comply with the labeling laws. Hopefully knowing this info will make grocery shopping easier & less stressful.
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